my inner self

I am a turtle in my unbreakable shell. I come out of it once in a while if someone "touches" me. No not actually touching me. I would say only a few people have seen that part of me. It's the nice and serious side of me that I usually do when i'm alone. I still have the humor though but whatever. Anyways it's hard for me to let people in cause I have to find someone who is exactly like me, understands me, or just respects me. Not the first two are hard to find but the last one I would think is easy to ask of but it isn't. People look at me and think i'm one of those non fighting people. I have these fat mexican assholes in my P.E class who I want to beat the shit out of because they are dicks to me and get mad if i say one little thing back to them. People don't expect me to fight back it why because they're arrogant or just go by the motto oh pick on the shorttest dude in class. I really want to beat the shit out of those fat fucks. They act all tough because they way a ton yet they're only 2 or 3 inches taller. The reason why i say mexican is because when someone is an asshole to me it's usually a mexican. I swear to god it's no lie. Only the guys though not the girls. Not to be racist but it's always a mexican guy that's a fucking dick to me. It's made me biased but I do hold my tongue because it's not of me to insult someone i don't know. I have little patience when it comes to stupidity that's all i'll say. Fuck all them assholes. I hope they burn in hell.

Peace and quiet

This is something i rarely get. I would rather be alone than hanging out with friends because it gives me time to think than just talk about stupid shit with my friends. I haven't really met anyone who i can have an intellectual conversation with. Gossiping is not intellectual! You might think it is but it's not. I like talking about the interesting  things in life. Like just problems or other stuff. Not the usual mumbo jumbo crap. I just talk like that so I can have someone to talk to but it doesn't really connect you to that person. I found my friends have nothing in common with me really. Everyone thinks they know who I am just by my school life. My school life is way different than my personal life. In my personal life I think way more about things. Like My brain is always thinking about something. My school life represents maybe 30 percent of me. Mostly the smartass side of me which pisses people off. I say things that are true or go against what they say and they get hella pissed. I do say that stupid shit from time to time to joke around but my intention is not to insult. My intentions are never to insult someone but it does get that effect alot. For me I joke around to cheer people up and some people take it the wrong way and that pisses me off more than it does them. If you can't understand what i'm trying ti do then whatever. Back to peace and quiet. I would love this even just for one hour. Just listening to nature with no assholes around or anyone who pisses me off. One of the reasons why I don't have any best friends because I can't realate to people. I'm like a freaking outcast. My personality is like the moon but with lots of humor lots of humor. By moon I mean i have different phases. Meaning I adjust to the people then turn back into myself. I am myself with people but I mean it's weird to explain. I am myself all the time but I adapt to people if that makes sense. I don't become their bitch but I act myself in a way that the accept i guees. It's to weird to explain and I don't know how the fuck to explain it. It's just a thing. Maybe i'm still trying to find myself idk or someone who understands me. I had one person not my family who understood me but he got into drugs so he's no longer my Bf. If I find someone else like him I would be amaze. It would be better if it were a girl that understood me just saying.

Life is really a bitch

Why the fuck is the world so stupid? I feel like I'm surrounded by Dilbert Dumb fucks. It pisses me off by all the  stupid things people do. Like the burning of the Qu'ran, terrorism, and just plain ignorance. Then how the news is so Pro Israel. "Oh Palestinians blew up a federal building today." Ok first of all get you head out of your fucking ass and think about it. The Israelites are killing Palestinans and taking their land and they bitch about one builing of theirs getting blown up. Then their was this one story where and Israeli soldier killed 30 muslims in a mosque while they were praying. Then after he ran out of ammo the muslims beat him to death. Then to "honor" his death the Israeli government built a shrine to him. They're honoring a murderer wow.That's stupid. It's not just the muslims being effected to it's the Christians. Palestine is a 70 percent muslim then 30 percent Christian population. But if someone is dying the media always says it's a muslim. Because if they said Christain then the people of the world would start to care. I'm disgusted with this world and the way it works. I'm going to try to help. If that fails i'll run off to mars or something.

Zach abu-el douche

well, i'm gonna sound like an asshole writing this but this is what  I think of Zach. He thinks he knows me real well but doesn't. This is one of the reasons why I don't have any best friends. Anyways Zach is a complete dick to me and I really don't know why I am his friend. He'll be talking shit to my face then I would say something hella fucked up that it would make him shut up. He thinks there's anger bottled in me but that's diminished. I don't know how the fuck he comes up with this but it really pisses me off. But you don't want to see me angry because if you're a person that never gets angry and then one day you get angry it's expressed to the full extent because i don't use that emotion that much. I did get angry alot in 8th grade because i was picked on and due to that I started to fucking hear voices. I am picked on probably everyday. I learned to laugh as a coping mechanism. Zach doesn't know me if he thinks I get angry over little shit like oh you called me a douchebag. But what type of friend actually talks shit about a so called friend. I'm wondering if zach is using me as a fucking laughing tool. I don't know the asshole that well and yet i'm his friend. I know it weird to say that I don't know him that well but it''s true. He doesn't even know my way of thinking yet. I adjust my self somewhat but everyone seems to see me as this happy kid that they can make fun of. well they can go fuck themselves for all I care. I will always be an outcast to society because of some reason. I don't follow this popularity shit. Like zach tries to. He didnn't want to use the school phone because he said he didn't want to look like a nerd. Who fucking gives a fuck. If you care about people judging you you must have low health esteem. They're just assholes for judging you. Then zach would judge people who walk by a say the look like a rapist. I'm starting to think if zach is really my friend. He is one of the guys that pisses me off the most. He might write some gay ass comment saying oh i only judge people cause it's funny or this is a load of shit or he'll write something else fucked up in class. No one understands me besides my dad and maybe my brother. Zach you won't take this seriously if you read this so you're probably gonna think i'm joking and tell evryone about this blog. I have news for you i'm fed up with your shit and judging me. You make fun of me cause i like the simpsons well fuck you. Something about you though makes you my friend and I don't even fucking know. I'll find out some day. I also apologize for writing this but this is how i fell about you and need to tell about part of my life. Don't make some gay ass shit up writing about how you feel about me unless you mean it. I almost fucking cried when I wrote.

buying crap

Does anyone have that feeling where they want something but then when you look at the price your mind goes in directions. I went to Target today and saw some crap that was on clearance and was like i can get ONE now or get TWO later. Now i'm sitting hear asking myself if i should of bought it. I can wait until like thursday or something and get both if they have gone down in price. I hate that feeling though where you're not sure if you should buy it or not because it makes me confused and wondering. But then if I do buy it gets rid of it but leaves me with no money. The shoping thing is weird it's like the store has a hold on you and you have to buy it otherwise you'll die. This espicially goes for girls with all their shoes and clothes and shit. It's like wtf do you really need all that shit. Like Sarah palinn wated 150,000 dollars on clothes during her campagin and people want someone who does that. You can buy a house for that much.

a story

In a parallel universe stood mrs. haskett who wore pants and never wore skirt. Evrything was backwards well almost everything. Mrs. Haskett with her pants of furry gawked at the class. The ruggedness of her pants seemed to have an evil spirit within. I don't know how to explain this but the pants were made of pure evil. It turned Mrs. Haskett into a villain. She made fun of people who wore skirts. OMFG this story made know damn since why the hell do i write this crap.