Peace and quiet

This is something i rarely get. I would rather be alone than hanging out with friends because it gives me time to think than just talk about stupid shit with my friends. I haven't really met anyone who i can have an intellectual conversation with. Gossiping is not intellectual! You might think it is but it's not. I like talking about the interesting  things in life. Like just problems or other stuff. Not the usual mumbo jumbo crap. I just talk like that so I can have someone to talk to but it doesn't really connect you to that person. I found my friends have nothing in common with me really. Everyone thinks they know who I am just by my school life. My school life is way different than my personal life. In my personal life I think way more about things. Like My brain is always thinking about something. My school life represents maybe 30 percent of me. Mostly the smartass side of me which pisses people off. I say things that are true or go against what they say and they get hella pissed. I do say that stupid shit from time to time to joke around but my intention is not to insult. My intentions are never to insult someone but it does get that effect alot. For me I joke around to cheer people up and some people take it the wrong way and that pisses me off more than it does them. If you can't understand what i'm trying ti do then whatever. Back to peace and quiet. I would love this even just for one hour. Just listening to nature with no assholes around or anyone who pisses me off. One of the reasons why I don't have any best friends because I can't realate to people. I'm like a freaking outcast. My personality is like the moon but with lots of humor lots of humor. By moon I mean i have different phases. Meaning I adjust to the people then turn back into myself. I am myself with people but I mean it's weird to explain. I am myself all the time but I adapt to people if that makes sense. I don't become their bitch but I act myself in a way that the accept i guees. It's to weird to explain and I don't know how the fuck to explain it. It's just a thing. Maybe i'm still trying to find myself idk or someone who understands me. I had one person not my family who understood me but he got into drugs so he's no longer my Bf. If I find someone else like him I would be amaze. It would be better if it were a girl that understood me just saying.